But, I also want her to know that she's beautiful. It isn't a vanity thing. Who doesn't like hearing a compliment? Growing up, I didn't really hear a lot of compliments about my looks. The boys at school told me I was ugly, among other things. Of course, my parents would say that I was cute (by the way, to this day, I HATE the term cute in reference to someone's looks.) But, parents are supposed to say that you're cute or pretty or whatever you want to hear. You're their kid. So, in a pre-teen to teenage mind, it doesn't mean much (sorry, mom and dad, I know you meant it, though.) To this day, I still don't like my looks. Again, it isn't a vanity thing. It honestly isn't. I'm happy with my hubby and my little girl. But, really, who doesn't want to feel beautiful at least once in a while? I'm not talking stick thin, bleached blonde hair, big blue eyes kind of beautiful. I'm taking comfortable in who you are, how you feel kind of beautiful. I try not to compare myself to anyone else and how they look, which is hard, but I try. I hate when people do that stuff. No two people are alike, don't compare.
There is a new company out now that is gearing engineering toys towards girls. I think this is a great idea. I pre-ordered the toy, which is really cute. It comes with axels, and little barrels, and little figures that go on top, a book, and a ribbon. Basically, the whole premise is to make all 5 of them move at once. It's awesome. As soon as I got it, I gave it to my daughter, showed her what to do, and she proceeded to take it all apart, tie the ribbon around her head, and make the figures have a tea party. Ummmmm, ok, that wasn't what I taught her. It's not what anyone taught her. She just did it. This page was great at first, encouraging, even. But, lately, their posts have been, "Take over the pink aisle," and basically things inferring that they want the princess stuff gone. Why? If little girls like it, why can't they have what they like? Why can't they be a princess engineer?
I have learned to accept that my daughter is a girly-girl. She prefers dresses, and dress up and all the girly stuff. I was NOT that way when I was a kid. I preferred climbing trees (and coming home from my grandmother's house covered in pine tree sap,) climbing in dog houses, making mud pies, and basically doing everything possible to get as dirty as possible. When my daughter was still an infant, she would gravitate towards anything girly. It drove me insane, but I never stopped her from being who she is.
Now, this isn't to say that she's a complete girly girl. Not by any stretch of the mind. She loves doing other things too. Her current obsession is Angry Birds (in addition to My Little Pony and Disney Princesses.) Any time she sees Angry Birds, she goes crazy. Her favorite thing to do to me while shopping is yell, "WAIT! GO BACK!" This is when I know she's seen something with one of her obsessions on it. I go back, she points it out, and, usually, I tell her it's not in the budget (yes, she knows what that means,) and we move on. Don't judge. She has enough junk.
However, if you ask my Belle dress clad child at her tea party what she wants to be when she grows up, the answer is simply, "A farmer." Yes, I STILL do a double take every time, since she's never actually been on a farm. We live in Philly, and while the farms of NJ are practically right around the corner, we just haven't been there yet. She then lists all of the crops she'll grow and the animals that she'll raise. When I'm working in my garden, little miss is usually right next to me with a mini spade in hand, ready to help dig in the dirt.
I've seen a lot of back & forth about the whole Princess Culture, as it's now being called. To me, there is so much more to being a princess than about looking pretty and waiting for a man to rescue you from a tower or a sleeping spell. Real live princesses have charities that they work with, they do good in the world. They are a symbol of hope for some. The best example of that was Princess Diana. Look at all of the good she did in the world. Was that a bad thing? I don't think so. Sure, we mostly see the Disney Princesses flitting around in pretty dresses, batting their eyes at their princes, but, COME ON, PEOPLE, it's FICTION. It doesn't matter what your little girl watches on TV, as long as you make sure that she knows that it's NOT REAL. It's our job to make sure that little girls know that there is more to life than just being a pretty face. Another thing is that a lot of these movies were made in a time where it was still the norm for women to be considered the "Damsel in Distress."
Snow White was the first princess. Her movie was put out in 1937! It was re-released in 1944. Cinderella was released in 1950. Sleeping Beauty followed in 1959. Not the best time for the women's movement, if you ask me...or even history. In the 80's and 90's, we had Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine join the ranks. Personally, Belle has always been my favorite (and is my daughter's as well.) These three weren't as helpless as the other three. They aren't full-on take charge kind of gals, but they were getting better. This is the way I see them:
Ariel, in love with Eric, decided to take matters into her own hands and try to win his heart, in a most unconventional way. Ultimately, yes, she gave up being a mermaid for her man, but, if you pay attention to the beginning of the story, she wanted to be a human BEFORE she saw Eric and saved his life (yeah, that part tends to be forgotten about a LOT.) But, in the end, she saved not only Eric, but her father as well. Yes, Eric helped to save her too. It was a mutual saving, so to speak. They were fighting the sea witch. There were 2 of them. If your partner was going to be smushed by a gigantic octopus with a head and torso of a sea hag, wouldn't you throw a trident too? I would hope so.
Belle was different from all of the other people in her village. She was SMART. She loved to read, and, obviously, as hinted at in the opening scene, has read every book in the book shop...in no time flat. She's also beautiful. Ahhhh, every geek girl's dream, to be considered beautiful and smart. Yeah, I know, the townspeople think that she's strange, but that's ok, Belle doesn't let that get to her, although she does get a little lonely, even with Gaston stalking her...the brute. As the story goes on, we find out that Belle is not only beautiful and smart, but also extremely kind, and very brave, even to the point of risking her life, dreams and freedom for her father, who she loves more than anyone. She begins her new life with the beast, and after a little (big) kerfluffle with some wolves, and he drops the big, tough guys act, she sees what's inside, and treats him with kindness, going so far as to fall in love with him, despite how he looks, and of course he falls in love with her too. She confessed her love at the last minute, as the man (beast) she loved was dying in her arms and breaks the spell! She breaks a spell, people. A spell that turned an entire castle of people into knick knacks, odds and ends, appliances (remember the complaining stove?), and a freaking beast! She did it with her kindness, her brains, and yes, her love. Wow, if that isn't a lesson in what a girl (and aboy too) should be, I don't know what is. Yes, she was beautiful as well. So freaking what?
Jasmine is another one that is pure awesome. Unlike Cinderella, Belle and Ariel, but much like Snow White and Sleeping Beauty (or Aurora when Disney got hold of her, read the original fairy tale, she is simply called Sleeping Beauty, no name), she's born a princess. She gets tired of that life and wants to see what the real world is like, so she sneaks out (not that I am promoting that kind of behavior) and goes to check out her kingdom. Since she's unfamiliar with the laws (because she's pretty much the ruler of the land, they don't apply to her apparently), she steals an apple and Aladdin rescues her. But, she goes and rescues him too when he was going to be beheaded. In this story, it's Aladdin who changes who he is in order to impress and ultimately marry the princess. I'm not condoning that at all either. Aladdin becomes very self absorbed, breaking his promise to set Genie free in order to continue the charade to impress Jasmine and the Sultan. Ultimately, he does realize the error of his ways and save the day. This story is a little different, though. Yes, Jasmine is a princess, but this wasn't entirely her story. It was Aladdin's, hence the name. Therefore, it shouldn't center around her. But, she was no shrinking violet in the grand scheme of things. She played a big part in the story.
After those three, came a whole new generation of princesses. We have Pocahontas, who was a real live person! Go look her up in the history books. Every little girl should know about her and all of the good that she did for our fledgling country. We have Mulan who dressed as a man to take her father's place in the war! Dude, in the end, she saved THE ENTIRE COUNTRY OF CHINA! How is that weak and helpless? Seriously?? An entire country survived because of her? Pfft. Then we have Merida. I adore Merida, pre-makeover. Merida decided to take her own destiny into her own hands. Sure, she turned her mom and, accidentally, her baby brothers into a bear, but she didn't mean to. She was simply trying to take charge of her own life. Gosh, doesn't that sound familiar? Isn't that what all of these people are saying we should teach our daughters?
Snow White was the first princess. Her movie was put out in 1937! It was re-released in 1944. Cinderella was released in 1950. Sleeping Beauty followed in 1959. Not the best time for the women's movement, if you ask me...or even history. In the 80's and 90's, we had Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine join the ranks. Personally, Belle has always been my favorite (and is my daughter's as well.) These three weren't as helpless as the other three. They aren't full-on take charge kind of gals, but they were getting better. This is the way I see them:
Ariel, in love with Eric, decided to take matters into her own hands and try to win his heart, in a most unconventional way. Ultimately, yes, she gave up being a mermaid for her man, but, if you pay attention to the beginning of the story, she wanted to be a human BEFORE she saw Eric and saved his life (yeah, that part tends to be forgotten about a LOT.) But, in the end, she saved not only Eric, but her father as well. Yes, Eric helped to save her too. It was a mutual saving, so to speak. They were fighting the sea witch. There were 2 of them. If your partner was going to be smushed by a gigantic octopus with a head and torso of a sea hag, wouldn't you throw a trident too? I would hope so.
Belle was different from all of the other people in her village. She was SMART. She loved to read, and, obviously, as hinted at in the opening scene, has read every book in the book shop...in no time flat. She's also beautiful. Ahhhh, every geek girl's dream, to be considered beautiful and smart. Yeah, I know, the townspeople think that she's strange, but that's ok, Belle doesn't let that get to her, although she does get a little lonely, even with Gaston stalking her...the brute. As the story goes on, we find out that Belle is not only beautiful and smart, but also extremely kind, and very brave, even to the point of risking her life, dreams and freedom for her father, who she loves more than anyone. She begins her new life with the beast, and after a little (big) kerfluffle with some wolves, and he drops the big, tough guys act, she sees what's inside, and treats him with kindness, going so far as to fall in love with him, despite how he looks, and of course he falls in love with her too. She confessed her love at the last minute, as the man (beast) she loved was dying in her arms and breaks the spell! She breaks a spell, people. A spell that turned an entire castle of people into knick knacks, odds and ends, appliances (remember the complaining stove?), and a freaking beast! She did it with her kindness, her brains, and yes, her love. Wow, if that isn't a lesson in what a girl (and aboy too) should be, I don't know what is. Yes, she was beautiful as well. So freaking what?
Jasmine is another one that is pure awesome. Unlike Cinderella, Belle and Ariel, but much like Snow White and Sleeping Beauty (or Aurora when Disney got hold of her, read the original fairy tale, she is simply called Sleeping Beauty, no name), she's born a princess. She gets tired of that life and wants to see what the real world is like, so she sneaks out (not that I am promoting that kind of behavior) and goes to check out her kingdom. Since she's unfamiliar with the laws (because she's pretty much the ruler of the land, they don't apply to her apparently), she steals an apple and Aladdin rescues her. But, she goes and rescues him too when he was going to be beheaded. In this story, it's Aladdin who changes who he is in order to impress and ultimately marry the princess. I'm not condoning that at all either. Aladdin becomes very self absorbed, breaking his promise to set Genie free in order to continue the charade to impress Jasmine and the Sultan. Ultimately, he does realize the error of his ways and save the day. This story is a little different, though. Yes, Jasmine is a princess, but this wasn't entirely her story. It was Aladdin's, hence the name. Therefore, it shouldn't center around her. But, she was no shrinking violet in the grand scheme of things. She played a big part in the story.
After those three, came a whole new generation of princesses. We have Pocahontas, who was a real live person! Go look her up in the history books. Every little girl should know about her and all of the good that she did for our fledgling country. We have Mulan who dressed as a man to take her father's place in the war! Dude, in the end, she saved THE ENTIRE COUNTRY OF CHINA! How is that weak and helpless? Seriously?? An entire country survived because of her? Pfft. Then we have Merida. I adore Merida, pre-makeover. Merida decided to take her own destiny into her own hands. Sure, she turned her mom and, accidentally, her baby brothers into a bear, but she didn't mean to. She was simply trying to take charge of her own life. Gosh, doesn't that sound familiar? Isn't that what all of these people are saying we should teach our daughters?
I'm not saying that the way that Disney portrays women is right, not by any stretch of the mind. In most movies, you hardly see the mother, or the women are portrayed as weak. But, you also have to take into account that most of these stories are taken from fairy tales, which were written at least a CENTURY ago, read: a time when women WERE thought of as someone to be rescued, or thought of as property. Let's not forget that important piece of history. That would be a horrible injustice to our little girls. You can't just sweep the bad under the carpet, but you CAN, and SHOULD use it as a learning opportunity. If you forget your history, you forget how lucky you have it now, and as they say, history has a way of repeating itself.
Who your daughter is now does not always indicate who she will be in the future. As I said, I was a complete tomboy when I was little. Today, I still don't like dresses, but I do like to get dressed up here & there and look as nice as I can. It's nice to do that and to feel prettier than normal. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It's normal to want that. What's not normal is to tell our girls that it's vain or wrong to want that.
What I'm trying to say here is to let the little girls, and little boys be who they are. Encourage them to do great things, whether it be a farmer, a teacher, an engineer, a princess, or whatever they want to be. They can be the one person who changes the world, but only if they have the right encouragement to find out who they really are inside. Because, if you don't know who you are, how can you expect others to know that?
What I'm trying to say here is to let the little girls, and little boys be who they are. Encourage them to do great things, whether it be a farmer, a teacher, an engineer, a princess, or whatever they want to be. They can be the one person who changes the world, but only if they have the right encouragement to find out who they really are inside. Because, if you don't know who you are, how can you expect others to know that?
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