Schroedinger's Cat

About 4 weeks ago, I had a blood test done to test for the BRCA gene.  For the last 4 weeks, I have been feeling a lot like Schroedinger's Cat.  This morning, I went for the results, and was thrilled to find that the cat is alive!  For those not familiar with the analogy, the result was negative.  I don't have the gene.

I didn't talk to many people about this.  I was too scared of the result.  I didn't want to dwell on it.  I just wanted to do it and push it to the back of my mind for as long as I could.  The past week or so was rough because it felt like sentencing day.  But, thankfully, all of that was for nothing.

The people I did talk to asked me why I would do this and whether or not I would go through with the surgery.  The answer?  Yes.  Why?  For my girls.

You see, I have 2 small children (6 1/2 and 1 1/2.)  Breast cancer runs in my family.  4 people were diagnosed, 3 of them were in their 40's.  I also had another family member diagnosed with 2 kinds of endometrial cancer under 2 years ago.  I also know 2 people under the age of 40 who were diagnosed with breast or endometrial cancers.  So, I needed to know for my peace of mind.

Let me break it down for you.  If you get cancer, you go through chemo.  You go through radiation most times.  Those things wreck havoc on your body.  You can get neuropathy in your fingers and toes, sometimes, it never goes away, and it is painful.  You sometimes lose feeling in your fingers and toes.  You can develop chemo sores, or radiation burns.  Your white blood counts can fall to dangerously low levels, which means that you can't fight infections, even a simple cold could cause severe damage.  Your appetite changes, and sometimes, you can't even taste the food, or it tastes like metal.  Now, I think that if you're going through something that will lower your body's immune system and natural defenses, you're going to need to eat to keep your strength up.  Plus, food!  YUM!  Not to mention the well known side effects, such as the nausea and vomiting, and the hair loss.

So, like I said, if you get cancer, you go through chem and radiation.  Which means, that you have a huge probability of going through all of the above symptoms.  That sounds like exactly 0% fun.  I don't want to deal with all of that.  Just don't want to do it.  In addition, once you get through the cancer and radiation, you STILL HAVE TO HAVE THE SURGERY!

Now, I ask you, why, if you have the chance to prevent all of that, why wouldn't you?  If that test had been positive, I am 95% certain that I would have just gone through the surgery.  If you take that route, you significantly reduce (if not eliminate) the risk of developing cancer in these areas because you completely remove the tissue from those sites.  Sure, you're still going through the recovery for the surgery, but you're doing it without the chemo and radiation added onto it.  Sounds like a better deal to me.

I've been called crazy.  I've been called stupid.  I've been called brave.  I've been called smart.  I've been called many things except the one thing that I actually felt through all of this.  Scared.  Yes.  I was scared to pieces.  If I have the gene, my girls would probably have it.  They still may from my husband's side, but I now know that they at least have a chance of them not having it.  I was scared as to what it would mean for me too.  Would I have I actually have it in me to go through with the surgery?  Up until I walked in the door for my initial consult, I would have said, "DO IT!  Do it right now if you have to."  Then, I walked in and, I won't lie.  I had second thoughts.  How long would it be until it developed?  Would it be soon?  Would I have time to putz around and debate about it?  Would I even want to take that risk?

Luckily, none of those fears came to fruition.  I am one of the lucky ones.  I mean, I still run the risk of developing cancer at some time.  We all do.  But, at least I know that my risk isn't as high as it would be if I had this gene.  I can sleep better at night knowing that I don't have it.  For that, I am relieved.  For that, I am grateful for modern science.  I have the knowledge that I need and I can put it to good use.

If you are interested in having the BRCA testing done, both men and women, please talk to your doctor.  The testing itself is expensive, and you need a family history of a good amount of people for insurance to cover it.  So, have all of your facts together before you go to visit your doctor.  Good luck, everyone!