Tonight, as I was leaving CCD, one of the other women who volunteer told us about a 14-year-old boy who committed suicide because he was being bullied. She was furious...at him. She was railing about how we had kids who were bullied in past generations and they learned to cope. She was saying that kids today don't know how to cope as well, how the parents aren't doing their job, etc. I listened to her, and let her finish, then said what I had to say.
I was bullied in school. I was always told that I was ugly, I was a dork, that I should kill myself because I would never find someone to love me. My friend was bullied even worse, with these and even more horrible things being said to her. Yes, we coped. The thing is, we were ALLOWED to cope. When we left school, we went home, and the bullies went to their homes, and we were allowed time away from them...on Fridays, an entire weekend. THAT was how we coped. We were able to escape.
Today, we are bombarded by technology and ways to make ourselves available to people. THIS is where things go wrong. Even when I was a kid, I was able to escape. Today, we have Facebook, Twitter, Myspace (does anyone still use that?), and numerous other social networking sites. The mass media is right at our fingertips, all we have to do is log on and click. This 24/7 access to our lives is what is making bullying such a widespread problem.
Today, bullying doesn't stop when the kids leave school. Today, all kids have to do is log onto any of these sites and the ridicule continues. There are actually sites where you can log on and post anything you want about anyone you want...no matter if it's true or not. They can terrorize other kids all the time. How are these kids supposed to cope if they can't get away from it? How are they supposed to decompress and "Get over it," if they are not allowed to?
Schools are trying to crack down on bullying today. Teachers are made to recognize the signs of bullying in school, but how can they stop it outside of school when it runs so rampant everywhere? Sure, they have the ability to stop some things when they are made aware, or if they see something happening, but they have many kids in their class, and they can't see every thing all the time. They also can't control what happens outside of the classroom. Some other teachers choose to ignore the problem. How is that supposed to help? In some cases, the teacher is also the bully. This makes it worse.
I've heard the saying, "Kids will be kids." Yes, I agree...to a point. When it comes to a point where they are making another person, their peer, feel the need to take their own life to make the torment stop, that is when the line has been, not just crossed, but hurtled over. That is when that statement stops being true and action needs to be taken.
Sure, we can blame everyone else, and in some cases, rightfully so. It is NEVER ok to be a bully. It is also NOT ok to blame the victim. You have to be pretty desperate to take your own life. You have to have been driven to extreme measures to do this. You must feel so alone and like there is absolutely no way out. Why don't these kids come out and ask for help? Why don't they talk to their parents or teacher and tell them what is going on? Why? I'll tell you, from experience, why. Because if you tell, and the bullies get into trouble, the bullying gets worse...in some cases, MUCH worse.
Parents blame themselves if they find out too late. They blame themselves. They feel that they are the parent, they should have seen that something was wrong. While, parents can see some things, such as their son or daughter pulling away, they can't see everything, especially if the child doesn't tell them anything. Yes, they are our children. Yes, it is our responsibility to protect them, but how can we protect them when we don't know that they need it?
So, who is to blame? The bullies, of course, hold the brunt of the blame. In many cases (not all), their parents as well. A child is a product of their parents. I have seen a child bully another child, and the parent of the bully sit back and LAUGH. There are also times where the parent of the bully is no where to be found. We wonder why our kids have so many problems? Where are the parents? I'm not saying that all bullies have parents who encourage this behavior. I know plenty of parents who would be furious (myself included) if they caught their child bullying another child.
I watch my daughter bounce around our living room, or outside, or at the playground (yeah, she's got a lot of energy), and I wonder what her future holds. I know that I would lay down my life for her in any given situation. I know that I love her more than anything in the world. I also know that if I ever catch her bullying another kid, she'd be beyond done. She's almost 3 now, and of course, she's going through the whole possessive thing. She does the whole, "MINE!" thing now. It grates my last nerve, but I calmly explain to her that she does, indeed, need to share, and that the entire playground is NOT her's. That usually nips it in the bud. However, if she doesn't listen, she gets punished. We leave...usually with her kicking & screaming, but we leave anyway. If the tides are reversed and she is the one bullied, Lord God above, those kids better watch out.
I guess, what I'm trying to say is that there is more than one person to blame in any bullying situation, but it is NEVER the child being bullied's fault. It is NEVER ok to blame the victim...NEVER. Let's take a look at how we encourage our children to speak to each other. Let's take a look at how we treat each other and set an example for our children. Remember, our kids learn what they see. Let's show them how to treat one another with honesty, kindness, generosity, and tolerance for the differences in others. Let's work together and try to make a difference in how our children treat one another. It could be the start of a whole new world.
