I am so glad that I am married and no longer in the dating field. I look at everything that's out there now, and it's even worse than what it was like when I was single. I was never good at dating. Being a geek in school, I didn't even get my first kiss until I was 16 (yup, you saw that right, 16). It was discouraging because most of my friends had "hooked up" with guys already, and I felt like everyone was moving on and leaving me in the dust. Not that that made me just go out and kiss the first guy that came along. My first kiss was sweet. It's an experience that I can look back on and smile about.
Moving on from that, yes, I dated quite a few guys in my day. Not all of them were good experiences, but they were learning experiences. Or course, I wasn't always an angel either. I regret some of the decisions I've made in regards to who I did or didn't date. There are times when I could go back in time and tell my past self not to be stupid.
I know that it's not possible to go back in time and change the course of time. I know that I can't un-do or do things that I once had the opportunity to do or not do. The only thing that I can do is look back, say, "Darn it, Chrissy, you were an idiot," and move on. I have learned that you can't dwell on things past. You can't live in the past and live your life with "what if's." You have to let it go and move on.
Does this mean that I don't care that I may have hurt people in the past? Absolutely not. I'm not a mean person. I never have been. I hope that I never will be. Well, that's not true. If I don't eat, I'm pretty nasty...the low blood sugar is the cause of that. But, overall, I'm not really a mean person. So, yes, I do feel bad about hurting people in the past. That is why dating sucks. Someone will usually get hurt (except when you find that person who you can trick into marrying you).
I HATE hurting people. There have been times where I dated a guy for too long because I didn't want to hurt him by breaking it off with him, and I'd hope that he would do the breaking up. There are also times where I just let a good one go because I was too scared to get involved, or because of some other situation going on at the time.
Don't get me wrong, I love my husband. I wouldn't trade him in for anything in the world...most of the time. :-) He's a good guy, a wonderful husband and a fantastic father. But, sometimes, I look back and wonder, "What if..." But then, I feel guilty. If something had happened differently, I may not be where I am right now. I like my life. It's not perfect, of course, but it's pretty darn good. If I change anything, it could mean that I wouldn't be where I am now, and ya know what? I like where I am. So, yes, I feel bad about the way I handled certain situations, but, I don't feel bad about the way things wound up. Everything is just how it should be...and I hope that everything turned out the way it should for them too.
