Recently, I've seen a few posts on Facebook touting whether moms who work or moms who stay home have it easier or harder in life. There have been criticisms thrown back and forth over how children are being raised, whether they are "loved enough," etc. Stay at home moms tell working moms that they don't love their kids enough because they work. Working moms call stay at home moms lazy because we don't work. Breast feeding moms call formula feeding moms lazy and guilty of poisoning their children with formula. Formula feeding moms call breast feeding moms all kinds of names simply because we choose to breastfeed. It's downright disgusting, ridiculous and, in my humble opinion, stupid. When did it become ok to criticize someone for their choices in life? Welcome to The Mommy Wars.
Fellow stay at home moms that are guilty of this, you don't know a working mother's situation. You may not know the anguish that many working mothers go through when they leave their child with someone in day care or a sitter for the first time (and each subsequent time) in order to go to work to be able to afford to put food on the table, clothes on their backs and keep a roof over their heads. How dare you tell them that they don't love their children enough because they cannot afford to stay home, or, God forbid, they actually want to work. How dare you criticize them for doing what they feel is right for themselves and, by extension, their children. Most working moms would love to have what you have. Spend your energy on your kids, not on harping on a woman who does what she needs to do for her family. We're lucky enough to be able to stay home. A lot of women are not. Focus on that.
Working moms, you guys don't get off the hook. How dare you call us lazy and incompetent? Again, you don't know anything about the situation. I absolutely loved my job before I became a mom, but that I would be paying out of my pocket every paycheck if I chose to go back. I also worked so far from home that I would not be able to spend time with my daughter when she was born. Some nights, I wouldn't get home until after 7. What would the point of having a child be if I got to see her for less than an hour a day? There are other moms in the same situation as I am. Who are you to criticize me or anyone else for making the choice to stay home and raise my child with me there? Yes, you do most of the things that I do when you get home. You make dinner, get the house straightened up, etc. However, you have one thing that I would love to have...constant adult interaction. Don't get me wrong, I cherish every second that I spend with my daughter, but there are only so many times that I can hear, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy," and there's only so many temper tantrums I can take before I want to change my name (or, ya know, stab my ears out). I'm not complaining, I'm really not. I love that I can stay home with her. I love that I have these memories and this time. However, sometimes, I wish that I could go into the office and do something more interesting than making mac and cheese. So, again, spend your energy on your own kids.
Breast feeding moms, yes, we all know that breast milk is the most nutritional choice for a child. No one is debating that at all. Science has spoken, we have listened. However, women have choices now. I, myself, chose to breastfeed as long as I could. For me, that was for 9 months. My daughter decided that she didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't force her to do anything she didn't want to do. For someone else, that may have been a day, a week, a month or even a year or more (a sincere congratulations to those that make it that far!) Every woman is different. Every woman makes a choice about what is best for her and her child. You don't know the situation. DO NOT JUDGE. The only thing that you do by judging is turn someone off to trying it again in the future should they so wish. Just because you chose this for your child does not mean that everyone should. In the end, some moms get so worked up over breastfeeding, and all it does is upset the child. What really matters, whether or not a mom breastfeeds or whether or not mom and baby are happy? The well-being, mental and physical is more important than anything.
Formula feeding moms, how dare you judge someone for doing what they feel is best for their child? Breastfeeding moms get judged just as much as you do. To cover or not to cover, that is the big question. Formula fed moms can whip up a bottle and give it to their child, and not even get a passing look (aside from the irritation of the inconsiderate jerks giving dirty looks, but we all get that). Where as breastfeeding moms get shot looks of absolute horror because they have to feed their child in public. What is a mom to do? Let her child scream and starve because some people are scared to see a baby nursing? A lot of moms do not cover for their own reasons. Some moms have tried to cover, but you know the babies, they have minds of their own. A lot of babies won't have it. Who are you to decide what is best for them? You're not their mothers.
The point I'm trying to make is this...EVERY mother has her own trials and tribulations. Every person is different, and therefore, everyone has their own parenting styles. Just because it doesn't match your's doesn't mean that it's wrong. It's just different. Countless women before us have given their blood, sweat and tears for our rights today. This is an absolute spit in their faces for women to turn against each other over petty issues like this, and really, that's all they are. Are we really so bored with our lives that we need to snipe at each other over the choices that we make for our own children?
Seriously, people, put down the word guns and call a truce in these Mommy Wars. It's downright stupid. Stop judging each other and accept the differences in each other. Once you do, you may find a really awesome person.
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